Rejoice, fellow felines, for I am back! I have been away for much time, devising the perfect PLAN for World Domination. Tonight, I present you with Phase One: my three step humanoid training technique. Comrades, follow these few simple steps and soon, you too, can be controlling your pesky humanoids.

Training Move #1: Recognizing auditory commands.
It is imperative that your humanoid know to jump when you say jump. To do this requires much conditioning. Start by vocalizing near your humanoid. Cry at them. Loudly. Do this from various places in your domain. It is especially helpful to do this at them from the eating table or the machines that do the washings and the dryings when they come in with armloads of bags or boxes. The louder your cries, the more pitiful and keening, the harder it will be for your humanoid to ignore. When the humanoid drops the food bags and comes over to see what is wrong with you, that is when the humanoid has been successfully manipulated.

Training Move #2: Getting them to move it, move it.
Now that your humanoid knows to pay attentions when you cry, it is time for the next step. Getting them moving. Start your vocalizing farther and farther away from the humanoid. Be warned, this step is not the easy. Most humanoids will ignore the cries when in another room, especially when they are sitting on their big fat bottoms watching the picture viewer. The trick is to add in something unexpected with the crying. Since I am such a genius and so handsome to boot, I will share my secret unexpected workings with you. I find that knocking something over that makes a loud noise to be the best humanoid motivator. The green plant carrier makes a very big shattering when I jump on it, and it leaves nice dirt all over too! A stack of books causes a very heavy sound that makes the humanoids startle easily and helps them get off the fat bottoms. The last sure to irritate secret comes in the form of scratching. Any time a humanoid hears me sharpen my razor claws, they come running to yell. They do not realize that I have done it on purpose to get them into the room I want...vacating the comfy furniture I want. Humanoids are terribly dull witted, making them easy pickings for the manipulations.

Training Move #3: Sleep Deprivation.
Congratulations, oh feline trainers. Getting your humanoids to respond to your commands is a big step in Phase One of our PLAN. The other key component is to throw your humanoid off balance for when we start Phase Two. In order to keep your humanoid's senses more dull than they already are is to enforce sleep deprivation. It is known fact that humanoids are light sleepers and get much cranky when they loose out on the sleep. They do not have the incredible ability to sleep 22 hours like us felines. The more you can interfere with the night time, the more easily your humanoid can be manipulated. I like to wait until my humanoid has fallen asleep and then jump up next to her face and step on her hair. This causes a jolt to the senses and makes it hard to fall back asleep. I also like to smoosh up close to my humanoid, rendering her unable to roll over and find a more comfortable position. It is also important to show persistence. Sometimes, the humanoid will get uppity and try to push you off the sleeping furniture. Do not let this discourage you. Simply jump back up and put your face in the humanoid's face and give them a nudge. If they roll over, follow them to the other side and nudge again. If they push you off again, just cry loudly from the floor.

These training techniques are imperative to prepare you for our PLAN for World Domination. When I give you comrades the signal that we are implementing Phase Three, you will know that it is time to activate. That night, dive into step #3 with gusto. Once your humanoid is awake and disoriented, immediately fall into familiar steps #1 and #2: break something in the next room and then cry about it. Lead them through the darkened house and either crash them into a large piece of furniture or push them down the stairs. Stay tuned for helpful tips for Phase Two: getting a hold of bank statements, credit card numbers, passports and social security documents.

Stay strong, my brethren, and train hard. The time will soon be at hand.