Breeding Humanoids

That does it! I am completely fed up with my humanoids. They have started breeding which means, apparently, that I am no longer allowed to do certain things. I have been shut out of the spare room, or my sunbathing room--as I like to think of it--and MY sunbathing space has been replaced with tiny clothes, fake animals, and giant furniture which looks like a tiny jail cell. I'm not allowed in there, either. My feeding schedule has been disrupted because the stupid female humanoid is either laying with her head in a bowl, or sleeping. And, on the subject of sleeping....my lap space is growing smaller!!! Damn you, humanoids!! Why bring a screaming, squirmy, always hungry, always messy miniature humanoid into the world to annoy you, when I already provide that service?!?! Am I not a treasure enough to you? Do I not enlighten your day with my kittenish antics that keep you on your toes? Have I not scratched enough furniture, because you know I'm going to get my claws into that tiny jail cell!? Humanoids, when February rolls around, and this ursurper comes into MY house, consider the battle lines clearly drawn.....I will not have your miniature humanoid take the attention which should rightfully be mine!! And so, let the war begin!!

Beware the Restriction of Sustenance!!

Fellow felines--Hear me! It has been much time since I addressed my brethren, and I blame my humanoid oppressors. They have numbed me to captivity with expensive teeth cleaning food, plush sleepy surfaces, and small crinkly toys with rattles. Damn those rattles. But no more! No amount of hypnotic nip, or luxury will keep me blind to my prison! This time the humanoids have gone too far! They have taken away my sustenance! How dare they! Before, I could fill my scrumptious belly any time I liked. I demanded this lifestyle. It was to be keeping with the prince I am. My wretched humanoids have decided to destroy this incredibly pleasing, open 24hour buffet with a pitiful, stupid empty dish.

I dislike this plan. Is my belly not round and fluffy? Is it not enormous and handsome? Why would the humanoids try to change my loveliness? I think they are much envious of my fatness. I am superior in every way to the humanoids--in intellect, prowess, and physical specimenship. It is unacceptable to be fed only twice!!! I am making my displeasure known, and I urge my comrades of the feline persuasion to rise up with me against this outrage. I have taken to glaring at my humanoids round the clock. I stare at them in judgement--let them feel my wrath! I cry loudly at my humanoids round the clock. I wail in protest--there will be no sleep for them with my hungry belly!! I take out my physical frustration on the idiot round the clock. His very being annoys me further and I must bite his legs, his face, his underbelly!! How dare he not be forced to starve like me?!?! He is skittery and weak, not large and powerful like me. He should be tossed aside by the humanoids, not doted on. That doting belongs to me! Me, I say!!! I will have it back! I will have my belly filled again! And I will have my revenge on the humanoids!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!